Cerita Ala Brebes: DASLAM

daslam Lolos gadi caleg, latane sombong toli madakna dheweke maring wong hebat liyane. "To, nyong garo kowen hebatan sapa...?" "ya hebat kowen Lam.." "toli angger nyong garo Ust Duloh sih hebatan sapa..?" "nesih hebatan kowen Lam..?" "(nyengir)... lah angger nyong garo Gusdur sih hebatan sapa....?" ndadak tambah sombong. "nesih hebatan kowen Lam..."

Wayae pan ngedepi wulan puasa nang desa Kalisoga ana kegiatan Tahlil bersama. Panitiane Wasto, Tarsiun lan liyane. Kerana dana sing terkumpul kurang akire Panitia mbentuk tim sumbangan nang warga desa. Wasto minangka ketua time. "Assalamu'alaikum... " Wasto nekani umae Daslam. "wa'alaikumussalam.. ana apa To??" "kiye Lam, manene ana? kiyeh nyong pan njaluk sumbangan kanggo Tahlilan b engi jumuah ngesuk..." Daslam langsung manjing umah goleti manene. lat limang menit metu.

Kaya biyasa Daslam ngrongokna radio nang Singosari News FM saben awan jam 10, kuwe acara Dangdutan. kriiiinnngggg... kriiinngggg....   "iya sugeng enjing... karo sapa kiye sing nelpon, arane sapa toli alamate endi..??" "sugeng enjing Mas.. nyong Daslam, alamat Bulakamba mas.." "iya mas Daslam, sampeyan pan njaluk lagu apa pan curhat..??"

Masa cilik pancen nyenengi, lah kiyeh kisah Daslam lan batur-batur lagi sekolah SD kelas 1. "Kotong bagus murid-muride Bu Guru sing pinter.. ayuh sapa sing ngarti presiden pertamane Indonesia...?? sing ngarti ngacung..." Guru Aminah nakoni muride. "Sukarno Bu Guru..." Wasto njawab. "bagus... bagus, brati Soekarno kuwe.... Bappakk pressss..... ayuh Daslam lanjutna, Soekarno kuwe Bapakkk........" "Bapake Tarsiun Bu Guru..." "loh ganing bapake Tarsiun...??"

Daslam semangat nemen ngarti Turijem durung payu nang wong lanang, kabare Turijem kas kena jeblugan raine, bar kuwe raine gadi rada geseng, ya kuwe dadi belih payune. Tapi anajan rada geseng Daslam tetep dhemen. Daslam dhemen Turijem kawit cilik. lah kiye Daslam dadi pede nglamar Turijem, nglamare gawa wong sa-erte. "Nok Ijem... Mas Daslam teka nok, teka nglamar kowen.. kowen gelem kan mantenan garo nyong..?" "mmm... mas, nyong belih pantes nyanding sampeyan mas.. nyong ele mas, raine geseng, belih ayu mas.. belih pantes dadi bojone sampeyan.." ngomong bari nyesel.

Seliyane gadi guru Daslam uga dodolan katok komprang sing go pranti nang sawah. Saben balik ngajar dhewek dodolan nang pasar. "man katok kiye regane pira...?" wong lanang tuwa pan tuku. "wah katok kiye ta bodol wa.. ya maape ya, katok sing apik-apik wis padha payu..." "wis bodol mbuh apa wis meneh tak tukune..." "kiye katok gari loro wa, katok sing siji bodol kerana akeh sing padha bolong, kiye regane limangewu. lah angger katok sing kiye mung siji tok bolonge, regane sewu..." "ganing sing bolonge siji luwih murah man...??"

Daslam nangis nggerung-nggerung bar balik dolan. Nang dalan ketemu Tarsa. "kowen kenang apa Lam ganing balik-balik tetangisan...??"   "iya kiyeh Sa, nyong bar dikamplengi nang wong... " "sih bisaneng kowen dikamplengi..?? kowen petakilan mesti oya...?" "nyong belih petakilan Sa.." "angger belih petakilan toli apa..?"

Nang dunya kiye pancen urip isine garong, ana garong sing kelas teri, sing pintere malaki wong, toli ana garong sing kelas berat, sing mung mringis tok wis olih duwit. Critane Tarsa gadi garong kelas teri, Daslam gadi garong kelas berat, Wasto gadi pulisine. "Sodara Tarsa, keprimen carane sampeyan maksa njaluki duwit nang wong..??" "carane ana wong mlaku kuwe tak cegat toli t ak jaluki duwite.."duwite kowen endi meneh".." "hem... lah sampeyan sodara Daslam, keprimen carane sampeyan njaluki duwit nang wong...??"

Wasto garo Daslam lagi numpak sepur Kaligungmas nuju Semarang. biyasa angger nang tengah dalan karcise dipriksa. "nyong gemremet maring wong sing dikawal satpam loro miki To.. su gweh..." "sih bisaneng gemremet Lam...??" "wong kuwe gawe ulah bae To maring nyong... tak titeni sing awit nang Stasiun, gawe enek bae..." "lah keprimen sih emange...??" "gyeh To.. mau lagi antri karcis, nyong didomong " mas sabar mas, aja nyereg-nyereg sing nang arep..", lah sing nang arep wong wadon ayu ya nyong nyereg owh.."

Daslam numpak bis maring Pekalongan pan luruh batik kanggo batik jamiyahan. Kerana nang bis suntuk, ahire dheweke ngejak ngobrol garo wong sing jejeran sajok. "mas, pan maring ndi.. oya kenalna arane nyong Daslam, Brebes..."   "pan maring Batang mas.. nyong arane Dirjo mas, Tegal..." "krasa bosen yah mas njagong suwe jebule...?" "iya mas..." "emmmm... daripada bosen kiyeh nyong duwe crita mas, crita kiye soal Polisi... pancen Polisi kuwe..... bla bla bla bla bla... SENSOR...." Daslam crita ngelek-ngelekna Polisi semangat men.

Daslam garo Wasto pan maring bandung numpak kereta, sinambi nunggu kereta teka Daslam ududan nang ruang tunggu sing nang Stasiun. "mas angger pan udud aja nang kene gen, kiye kotonge nyong dadi keganggu.. melas mas nesih cilik wis nyedoti kebul rokok..." wong wadon ayu nesih enom sing nggendong anak protes. "danggepe nyong belih keganggu nyang rika mbak..?" Daslam ora kalah melu protes.

Daslam nangis nggerung-nggerung, nganti tangga kiwa tengen arep mburi mareki Daslam kerana krungu tetangise Daslam. "kowen kenang apa Lam.. nangise bisa kaya wong ditinggal mati..??" Wasto takon ke-eramen. "hu hu hu hu... hiks hiks hiks.... iya To... hu hu, nyong nembe bae ditinggal mati kekasihe nyong To... hu hu hu... " nangise tambah budi ngusek guling-guling. "sabar Lam, sabar...   eh, tapi emange kowen duwe kekasih Lam...??" "duwe owh To... hu hu hu.... " "kapan nyong belih pernah weruh kekasihe kowen..?? arane sapa len, wong endi...??" "hu hu hu... wong kene To,.. arane Sopiyah..."

Daslam lagi galon gara-garane sering dileledek nang MTs-e saben sekola. Jarene Daslam kuwe dudu anak kandunge Mak Ruyi. "Mane... nyong saben sekola diledeki bae, monine nyong dudu anake rika ne.. angger nyong dudu anake rika sih nyong anake sapa..?? Daslam takon wis ping satus kiye. "kowen ganing takone kaya kuwe bae sih Lam.. bosen mane krungune Lam..." rada dugal. "mane nyong lu wih bosen ne.. saben nang sekolahan diledeki bae.. "wuh bocah jadah, langka bapane, langka manene.. wuh"... kaya kuwe bae ne... bener belih ne nyong bocah jadah...?" ngosog njaluk dijelasna.